Your small, otherwise unimpressive, kingdom is suddenly one of the strongest powers in the land. This is due to the sole reason that, unlike other rulers, you’re happy to work with the local orcs, goblins, dragons, and several other races that are usually attacked on sight.
“The first rule of diplomacy,” you say, “is really quite easy. Just be honest and kind.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, that’s it. The orcs that everyone complains about all the time, the roving bands that attack and are so viscous?”
“How did you deal with them? They’ve repelled the Golden Armies of Paladramus!”
You shrug. “I asked their leader what they wanted, we drank a couple of pints of truly hideous orc mead, and I gave them seven hundred acres of land.”
“What? That is almost a fifth of the total land of your kingdom!”
Again, you shrug. “Yeah but it’s largely that barren dessert up north. We weren’t using it, the orcs really wanted it. Apparently they’re almost like lizards and love sunning themselves on hot rocks so the dessert is actually perfect for them.”
“Really? That was it?”
“I mean we have some more complicated trade deals. Water, crops and such in exchange for some stuff you can only really get out of the dessert. There’s a mine over there and most important our northern border is that expansionist jackass.”
“The Golden Army!”
“Yeah ever since Grammark beat the crap out of them a couple years back they don’t want to have anything to do with the orcs. And we’re buddies now so it works out for everyone I think.”
Your small, otherwise unimpressive, kingdom is suddenly one of the strongest powers in the land. This is due to the sole reason that, unlike other rulers, you’re happy to work with the local orcs, goblins, dragons, and several other races that are usually attacked on sight.
“The first rule of diplomacy,” you say, “is really quite easy. Just be honest and kind.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, that’s it. The orcs that everyone complains about all the time, the roving bands that attack and are so viscous?”
“How did you deal with them? They’ve repelled the Golden Armies of Paladramus!”
You shrug. “I asked their leader what they wanted, we drank a couple of pints of truly hideous orc mead, and I gave them seven hundred acres of land.”
“What? That is almost a fifth of the total land of your kingdom!”
Again, you shrug. “Yeah but it’s largely that barren dessert up north. We weren’t using it, the orcs really wanted it. Apparently they’re almost like lizards and love sunning themselves on hot rocks so the dessert is actually perfect for them.”
“Really? That was it?”
“I mean we have some more complicated trade deals. Water, crops and such in exchange for some stuff you can only really get out of the dessert. There’s a mine over there and most important our northern border is that expansionist jackass.”
“The Golden Army!”
“Yeah ever since Grammark beat the crap out of them a couple years back they don’t want to have anything to do with the orcs. And we’re buddies now so it works out for everyone I think.”
hey op. i want you to know my boyfriend has been in hysterics, laughing and occasionally wheezing out “bibby” for the past half an hour because of this post. are you proud of what youve done?
